Articles

Relationships and the Human Design System
Published in Adaptive Human Design May 2, 2007

Been there done that
Being in a relationship with someone you love is probably one of the very best things in life. But it’s not always easy. While there are some people who seem to always be close and never have even a hint of a problem, most of us seem to find our relationships rocky now and then. We can get really caught up in whatever the problem of the moment is.

Have you ever found yourself in one of those scenes where you’re arguing with your lover or spouse and you somehow just know you’ve been in that very same place before? The same old argument about sex, or money, or the kids, or housework or the in-laws or whatever. You know the whole script. You know who’s gonna say what about what in what tone of voice with what body language.

Do you want to change that? It can be extremely difficult to change these behaviors because we are so close to each other. We know each other so well, and we’ve rehearsed the scenes together so many times we can do them in our sleep. And in fact, we are doing them in our sleep -- that’s why they are so hard to change. We’ve learned them really well. Maybe we started learning them from our parents when we were kids. Maybe we learned them from each other. Wherever we learned them we’ve practiced them diligently and now we’ve got them down.

Same old scene again
One of the most amazing and valuable things about Human Design is that it gives us a completely different perspective on ourselves and others. That perspective is so different that when we find ourselves in those old scenes we suddenly discover that there is some way to change the scene. It just pops up right there in front of us and we will do or say something so different that the whole scene will take a slightly different tack.

Very early on in my journey with Human Design my wife and I were having an argument and it was escalating for no other reason than that was what we did. In HD it’s said that if you are within six feet of another person you are subject to having your behavior impacted by them. Getting out of their range could change that. Now I happen to be the kind of person who had (for the 24 years of my marriage) been unable to walk away, to disengage. I simply couldn’t do it. But HD had given me a different perspective, different language. It popped into my mind that she was driving my behavior and I simply had to get out her physical range. For the first time I simply walked away. I walked out of the house got in the car and drove to the store.

Now that may seem simple and it is and that’s just the point. So many things can be simple once you have a solid place to stand that is different than your customary place. I didn’t have a place to stand that would empower me to disengage. And then I did.

The pattern of consciousness
Once the scene undergoes even a small change it’s easier to change it even more the next time. And after a while the two of you suddenly realize "Hey this is our scene, we can do whatever we want with it." That’s not necessarily even a conscious realization. In the heat of the moment the two of you just take a turn down a new lane and discover each other. There you are together. Then real change begins because now you’ve introduced a new pattern - the pattern of consciousness – as part of your practiced behavior.

There is so much new language in Human Design, so many new concepts across such a wide range that it constantly interrupts your habits and presents you with new opportunities, new viewpoints. It’s a tremendously liberating vehicle.

A new level of appreciation
Relationship improvement from HD isn’t just in the ability to handle arguments better. Getting to really know the person you’re with, to see them deeply because you know their design brings a whole new level of appreciation as well. And, because Human Design is completely without judgement you can look at the design of your lover, your friend and marvel at what you see. And looking at your own design, you see how your perception of them is colored by you.

Relationship composite readings produce a combined chart and bodygraph that traces all of the dynamics operating between two people. The attraction, the companionship, the subtle influences on each other, the different entity that forms whenever the two of you are together. This entity is more than just the sum of the two parts – it’s a new and dynamic being in itself and with Human Design you can see it, know it, understand it.